Our Adoption Journey

Held up by a stranger:

While still in juvenile detention the court petitioned the Dept. of Health to find a placement for Ammon that was not our home. Since he was unwilling to return.

Each time a potential placement was found they would call me.
I was not going to allow any other family to suffer what I went through and was completely honest about life with my son.

One of the potential foster parents called and told me that my son felt unwanted by us.

This could not be further from the truth. I knew that he was our son. I knew it. And God knew it. And I could not deny it. I refused to walk away from my son no matter how hard it was to be his mother.

I told this to the mother/stranger on the other end of the phone. I also admitted that I failed and that we needed help.

I’ll never forget her response: “That’s not failing.” She said. I started bawling and quickly got off the phone.

His current sentence is:

• Restitution to be paid
• No Contact Order for the victims until 2029
• For each count:
  Concurrent sentence (15 years)
• 7 years determinate (jail time)
• 8 years indeterminate (parole / probation)

How it started

Ammon is our son. He came into our home as a foster child in August 2011. At the time, he was in a residential treatment program for youth offenders. Our first introduction was in the courthouse for a progress hearing.

I knew almost immediately that he was our son.

When we met him he was a child that had lost everything. He lost his freedom, family, self-esteem, sense of self, and sense of right and wrong.

As the three of us got to know each other, he slowly recovered a lot of the things that he lost. He was able to work his program and regain his freedom to probation and then off probation. He was becoming more sure of himself and he knew what was right and what was wrong.

He began making friends and better choices. Every kid messes up, and he messed up frequently and with some “major” consequences. He would correct his behavior for a time and then fall off the cliff.

A Forever Family

Honeymoon Period Ended Quickly

By May of 2013, just weeks after being released from juvenile probation he was starting down a dangerous path. We were active foster parents at the time, and because of the choices he was making, we stopped being foster parents. We spent that summer building our family bonds in therapy and gearing up for his senior year of high school.

School commenced and Ammon was earning trust pretty regularly. We had good reason to hope for a good future for him.

We started seeing old patterns emerge as his behaviors would fluctuate from the good kid to the very troubled young man we first met. His troubling behavior was starting to spill over to things that involved other families and endangered other people. One such incident was being caught in another’s home without permission from the parents and without our knowledge.

He apologized for that incident and it seemed that we would continue in our typical fashion. Little did I know!!

The Beginning of the End

On January 13, 2014 I was suffering from insomnia, awake in my bed while my husband slept beside me, the animals tucked safely in their beds and presumably Ammon asleep in his bed.

We had a land line for emergencies, that we rarely used. It was the kid’s phone. When I saw the display light up at 1:54 a.m. with Police on the caller ID, I was floored.

Checking the house, I found all was not right. I hung up with the officer and woke up my husband to claim our son from the streets of the neighborhood.

When we got there, we discovered another child involved. We found a very belligerent and defiant son handcuffed in the back of the squad car. We were escorted home by the responding officers and sat in our living room as a family.

Our son turned into a bonafide monster that night, committing violence against myself, my husband and property. We called dispatch and the responding officers returned to our home and placed our son under arrest for battery and destruction of property.

We appeared before the judge the next day and he was held over because he was a danger to himself and others.

On subsequent hearings he was continually held over because of continued threats against us and detention staff.

In February 2014, the original charges filed were dismissed with a hefty probation. He continued to be a danger to himself and others, and because of his past history and crimes no other option for placement could be found. So, he remained in juvenile detention.

At this point, the complete events of the night of the arrest were brought to light by the others involved and a criminal investigation started.

Our son had been leading the other child caught that night plus at least one other child in ritualistic cutting. He had threatened their life and the lives of others to keep his actions secret.  He documented the things that he had done to them in a “novel” which detailed potential escalated behaviors if he was to be released.

Needless to say he was brought up on multiple felony charges. The discussion for future placement ended and a new plan was put into place to determine exactly what the consequences would be.

My son was very lucky to have a good lawyer from the public defender’s office. He was sent to adult court with a plea agreement in place.

A plea agreement is a recommendation to the judge. The judge could choose to take the plea agreement or disgard it. That was April 2014.

From April until August 2014, we went through preliminary hearings and the sentencing investigation.

The plea agreement was accepted and 7 felony charges were reduced to 2 counts of Aggravated Battery.

The Sentencing

We were the only ones in the court room and our case was the only one heard at this time slot so it was only court staff, attorneys, Ammon, Justin, and I in attendance.

The judge recognized us and ensured that we would be able to hear the proceeding by providing listening equipment. He showed great respect to us and for us.

The prosecution spoke first and laid out the case that they put together as well as the findings of the sentencing investigation.

The defense attorney spoke next. Addressing things brought up by the prosecution. I’ve paraphrased the list here:

Cons

• He did it.
• He put himself in danger by abusing illegal substances, alcohol and not taking his medications.
• His prognosis is very pessimistic with the trained professionals all recognizing that he is at a high risk to re-offend.
• He shows no remorse.
• He has little motivation to make changes.
• He shows no respect to the people (ie: his parents) who have shown support throughout the court proceedings

Pros

• He is smart.
• He can work.
• He has goals.
• He has started to mend familial relationships.
• He is young.

The judge then let Ammon speak.

He expressed remorse about his words and actions to Justin and I.
He expressed remorse about the things he did to his victims.
He admitted to being scared to go to prison.
He asked the judge to give him the opportunity to change in the juvenile system.

The judge spoke at that point and pulled no punches.

With the evidence in hand the judge could sentence Ammon to a stiff penalty of the full 15 years for both counts in an adult facility and make sure that there was no possibility for parole for 10 years.

The judge warned Ammon that it wasn’t about his “crappy” childhood or the opportunities that he didn’t get anymore. He was an adult and it’s not about him. It’s about protecting society. Ammon had been pampered and dud not do the work he needed to do to be a good member of society. He told Ammon that he has thrown away all of the chances provided by us and those that came before us.

In the end, the judge committed Ammon to the Department of Juvenile Correction for a “fair chance” at behavioral modification programs.

He had 3 years and a chance at every program available to him to make some changes in his life, attitude and actions.

How it’s going

The first few years of Ammon’s sentence was hard. Our relationship was estranged.

In 2017, he was placed on felony probation. For the next 18 months, he attempted to be successful by accomplishing the bare minimum. He continued to make decisions that landed him before the judge for probation violations.

In January 2019, he became a father. Due to circumstances surrounding the birth of my granddaughter, she was immediately placed in foster care.

My granddaughter was ultimately adopted by a maternal family member.

Ammon was placed in custody in March, 2019 for a variety of probation violations. In December 2019, after not accomplishing any of the things requested by the judge, Ammon was sent to complete his sentence.

Since returning to incarceration, Ammon has made progress on our relationship and we as his parents are cautiously optimistic about his future when he is released on parole or his sentence is completed.