I get depressed. Deep darkness, can’t see a way through the pain and don’t want to live anymore kind of depressed. No, I do not take medication for it. I tried that but they made me not recognize any part of my personality. So, I found other coping mechanisms. Writing, Service, Church, Family, Friends, ReadingContinue reading “Archive: Reasons to Stay (April 2020)”
Category Archives: Self Growth
Dear Evan Hansen (a reflection)
Some background: I’ve never seen the play. I have the soundtrack practically memorized. I’ve battled depression and suicidal thoughts in my youth. So, I knew that I was going into a potential landmine field of triggers by watching this movie. I saw the movie this afternoon with my husband. After my last experience watching aContinue reading “Dear Evan Hansen (a reflection)”
Heaven and Hell
I’ve been home from my trip to New York since September 6th. I’ve spent the week processing the events. This is how I describe my trip. Heaven: Seeing my little sister. It’s been 6 years since we were in the same room and over 20 years since we got to spend any real quality timeContinue reading “Heaven and Hell”
New York on My Mind
So, I’m heading back to New York for the first time in 6 years this week. I’m going because my grandfather is sick. There’s already drama brewing among family members. So, i’m packing my cycle shoes and fully intend on finding a cyclebar to sweat in. I might also explore a place(s) that I haven’tContinue reading “New York on My Mind”
Another Milestone
One of yesterday’s pics Last night, I rode my 250th ride at Cyclebar with my favorite cycle instructor. I purposely ride with her three times a week. Some would say I’m a glutton for punishment, because even “recovery” rides are intense and make you work until you want to blackout. But, I choose her classesContinue reading “Another Milestone”
Change is Hard
I’m not the same person I was before I became a mom. I’m not the same person I was before leaving for New York. I’m not the same person I was when I came back to Boise. I’m not the same person I was before graduating from BYU-Idaho. I’m not (I don’t think any ofContinue reading “Change is Hard”
The Sun is Shining…
Last night was a bedtime struggle. When I finally was able to go to sleep it was well after midnight. As I’ve said, I’m exhausted. This morning all my alarms were turned off so I could sleep as long as I needed. I woke in a start. I was dreaming about being in class atContinue reading “The Sun is Shining…”
Day 10
Our newest boy has been with us for 10 days… it seems like a lot longer. The kid has so much trouble sleeping. We finally discovered that it’s best to have him in the complete dark with a night light and to set expectations… but it’s only in the last 2 nights that even thatContinue reading “Day 10”
Stay In the Uncomfortable
The morning my husband left for Texas to be with his family was going to be a great day with the kids. I had plans set up and help lined up for when I needed it. Shortly after waking up, I got a call from the caseworker, saying that the birth mom was granted aContinue reading “Stay In the Uncomfortable”
Archive: My Miracle
Background: I am no stranger to depression, my first recollection of being depressed was in grade school. Experiences at Ricks College and in Texas only caused to increase my depression seasons. It came to a head shortly after my grandfather passed away in 2002, 6 months after September 11th. I came home from 2 weeksContinue reading “Archive: My Miracle”
Indomitable Bellatrix 