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Lost Weekend

We were blindsided Thursday night and had to live through hell. Now, we have to fight for so much more than our reputation. I’m extremely confused by this and frustrated. So much so that my temporary health provider was strongly recommending blood pressure and heart meds. Thankfully, our family came to the rescue, and weContinue reading “Lost Weekend”

Long weekend

I worked three twelve-hour shifts at my clinics this week. I love the long shifts. After the day shift ends… I get to make up for lost study or reading time and enjoy both the sunrise and the sunset. Working long shifts means I get an extra day off this week. I spent day 1Continue reading “Long weekend”

1 down… 2 to go

Still trudging through the aftermath of our last placement. We received the first decision. As we already decided we are no longer foster parents. And, it is highly unlikely that we would ever be approved again. We will be appealing the decision. Not because we want to be foster parents any longer. Not even becauseContinue reading “1 down… 2 to go”

I’m alive

I was at church today and I was going through the motions. It has been very difficult to compartmentalize all the feelings at church. I can’t share everything that’s going on with everybody at church. There’s too much to share and it’s not just our story to tell. Plus, I honestly don’t know who IContinue reading “I’m alive”

Future

I had high hopes today. I was going to tackle chores that I have procrastinated doing over the last month that I’ve been swallowed by grief. What happened instead? Every emotion of the last month finally exploded outward and the argument we have tried to avoid finally happened. Our marriage is not perfect. Fairly earlyContinue reading “Future”

Why?

I started a new book recently and just read: “Why did I stay and suffer? The door wasn’t even locked.” I read those sentences and in the cafeteria at work, scoffed and thought to myself. All I do is stay and suffer, why am I doing that? Life is not easy lately and there isContinue reading “Why?”

Light

My annual review went very well. I am still employed and I am on track to do all the things. And my work family continues to show up for me. I am blessed and extremely happy to know that these people care. The situation with our last placement is far from over. But, I refuseContinue reading “Light”

In the Midst

We are knee-deep in the aftermath of the ending of our most recent placement. It is hard. I am tired. I am trying my best to do things and I am doing my best to maintain balance and compartmentalize, and I feel myself failing at that too. I have my annual review at work thisContinue reading “In the Midst”

Endings…

This week our parenting journey came to an abrupt end to a long-term placement. What’s more? It’s extremely possible that our journey in the world of foster care and our hope for adoption is over. The day after we were blind-sided by this change I shared the following with a good friend: “Yep. I wasContinue reading “Endings…”

2023 Intentions

On my wall is my vision board from a few years ago. One of the phrases that reside on this board is: “Just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not there.” My original thought for 2023 was to use a phrase, I’ve used before: “Do It Afraid.” And then I saw the phraseContinue reading “2023 Intentions”