Insomnia

The changing of the seasons for me always equals restlessness and insomnia. This year is no different. This year, along with my typical behavior. I’m also recovering from my double mastectomy surgery, and my leave from work is about to end.

I am having all the feels about returning to work. Self-doubt and overwhelm are setting in. I feel like I’m going to be starting at square one. I did go to the office to put my personal items back into my cubicle. So, at least I’ll be surrounded by my favorite things as I tackle it all.

I’m at the stage of healing when it goes painstakingly slow and requires patience. It’s also the time when I hurt the most because I’m feeling well enough to do my favorite things. I’m conscious of the fact that I need to go slow, but even pacing myself makes me exhausted. I see the surgeon tomorrow, and I’m pretty sure she’ll tell me all good things. I’m looking forward to a professional massage.

To help with all the things above, I went to church on Sunday. I took the sacrament. I even stayed for both hours. The messages helped. They reminded me that I’m not doing this alone. Even when I feel like Atlas, the load I’m carrying is not just mine. I have an army alongside me.