Why?

I started a new book recently and just read: “Why did I stay and suffer? The door wasn’t even locked.”

I read those sentences and in the cafeteria at work, scoffed and thought to myself. All I do is stay and suffer, why am I doing that?

Life is not easy lately and there is a lot of suffering in multiple areas. Does that mean I should walk away? Not necessarily.

The suffering in multiple areas is short-term. My husband and I just went through a loss and follow-ups are still happening. We are learning our normal again. Should I walk away from 25 years of a generally happy marriage because of a short-term struggle?

Should I walk away from a job I love because I’ve had a bad couple of weeks and have been struggling? No, because I love my job and I have true friends and people that care. AND, I have leadership that believes in me and is willing to work with me. It would be a nuclear option to walk away at this point.

Should I walk away from the church? That would also be a nuclear option. I still have faith and believe in the core doctrine and foundation of the church. The rest is culture and human nature. I can make my own culture and since the core of the gospel is now supposed to be centered in my home, when I am not able to deal with human nature in what should be my sanctuary, I can simply stay home.

The one thing that it’s time to walk away from is my quest to be a parent. Parenting is not what I need anymore. I want vacations. I want luxuries. I want to enjoy my career. It’s time to enjoy the next stage of my life. (and even this decision is subject to change as our hearts heal.)