In the Midst

We are knee-deep in the aftermath of the ending of our most recent placement. It is hard. I am tired.

I am trying my best to do things and I am doing my best to maintain balance and compartmentalize, and I feel myself failing at that too.

I have my annual review at work this week, I’m scared that I’m about to lose my job. This job that I love, that I think I can do great at. The job where my teammates care about my well-being and want me to be healthy and well. It has become a safe place.

Meanwhile, being at church continues to feel awkward. It’s not a matter of faith, belief, or testimony… it is a matter of being in a place with a bunch of human beings that think they know what’s going on… but don’t really.

I am tired. But I will persevere. I will not be broken. One foot in front of the other until one day… I will be able to look back and see just how much we’ve done and how far we’ve come.

My heart will heal. My soul will rise. And in the end, I will have gained more than I lost.