Terrified

Life is good. Mentally, I’m in a good place. My husband and I are doing well. I am starting my career and am so happy about it. And, my health is good and improving.

My life is going well and I’m terrified. In 9 days, I have to go back to the doctor and get an ultrasound on my breast because something was found on the mammogram. It could be nothing, but… it could be something.

I’m terrified that if it is something, everything that is finally coming together in my life will disappear. I’m afraid that the people in my life will all be gone. If it is something, then everything that has just started has to pause… again. And the terrifying thought with that is,,, will I be able to come back after the pause when things are good again?

I am terrified, but… I’m not paralyzed by it. I’m showing up every damn day. I’m doing the things that I love. And, I’m letting people be in my life. I’m not the go-it-alone hermit I used to be. (that too is terrifying!)