The pendulum swings from side to side. It’s like a battle in my head between the extremely awesome things going on in my life for the past year and the really scary things that are bubbling just below the surface.
The weird thing is that for the most part, the battle is won by the good, awesome things and the hope of the people that surround me. I am astounded by the growth I see in myself.
The outward persona that most people know is the optimist, the fighter, the one who doesn’t back away from a challenge. It is different when I am alone. It was different in my writing from my past. I was a pessimist. I was defeated and it took all my energies to put on the persona that everyone else knew.
Over time that persona was too much to pretend to be. So, I stopped pretending. As it turns out I am really as tenacious and a fighter as I was pretending to be. And, slowly in between the insomnia fits and depression cycles… I am the optimist, the fighter, the person up to the challenge all of the time.
I never expected that.
Indomitable Bellatrix 