Day 10

Our newest boy has been with us for 10 days… it seems like a lot longer. The kid has so much trouble sleeping. We finally discovered that it’s best to have him in the complete dark with a night light and to set expectations… but it’s only in the last 2 nights that even that has worked.

He was able to see his birth mom today. She said something today that totally made me cry. I gave her my phone number and told her that she can call me directly and she has the number we set up for our kids. I told her to use the other number when she wants to talk to her son and she says: “I’m not going to call. I don’t want to interrupt you guys.” I got tears in my eyes. I said: “I appreciate that but if you get the mom intuition that you should call your son. Call him.” My heart breaks for a couple of reasons, First, that this mom thinks that she can interrupt her child’s life shows that she is taking to heart the season of growing and healing from trauma that her family is doing. And, second that she cares what my family is doing shows a respect for us that I am profoundly grateful for. I am extremely optimistic about the future of this family. This road is long and it’s never easy, but it is always worth it.

Day 10 and let me tell you… I am tired. Down to the bone exhausted. But, my heart is full. I went to cyclebar this morning because a friend asked me to be at her milestone ride and, if I’m honest… I’m not really interested in going to church right now. It’s hard to explain why. But, I have been constantly praying and thinking about how to help my kiddo adjust to his new environment.

So, this morning I go to cyclebar and and I’m moving and listening more with my heart than my ears and I heard things that I needed. And, riding next to me is Lauren, a meditation guide that I met through the motivation through movement event. As we’re riding I’m just trying to keep my shit together… because when my spirit is touched, the tears start to flow and quite frankly, I was already dripping sweat… I did not need to cry on top of that today. So, I turned to concentrating on my movement and form, I’ve got some work to do on that front anyway… and I was able to figure a few things out that I can implement soon.

After the ride Lauren asked how I was. My response: “I’m better now.” (Because really… I’m always better after a ride. Just like I’m always nicer after kickboxing.) And then, I told her about my struggles with my son getting to sleep at night. Last night I played one of her meditations and he was able to sleep quicker. And, kind of jokingly I said I might have to have her make something for me. And, she said she would love to. She asked some other questions and must’ve left with an idea brewing because tonight… she was able to send me something. Which I used when he wanted something more to listen to.

Today, I did not worship at church or do any traditional religious activities, and yet… my prayers were still heard… and answered. My spirit was still renewed and my faith was strengthened. When you’re in tune with what you truly need and your deepest desire is for the greater good, the Lord/universe will provide all that you require. And once again, I am amazed that my prayers were answered by those new to my sphere of community and that just months ago… I would not have expressed my needs to.