Background: I am no stranger to depression, my first recollection of being depressed was in grade school. Experiences at Ricks College and in Texas only caused to increase my depression seasons. It came to a head shortly after my grandfather passed away in 2002, 6 months after September 11th. I came home from 2 weeks with my family in New York and didn’t recover as I usually did in the past, and that led to the experience below.
Years ago, we were living in a tiny apartment and were part of a ward* where I felt like I had absolutely no friends. I was isolated, lonely, and depressed. I suffered from severe insomnia at the time, which eventually led me to the hospital.
In the hospital, I was lonely and abandoned. My family lives across the country and were not privy to my struggles. My husband in an effort to reduce my stress, took extra shifts and could not visit me. I did not have any good friends, so I had no visitors.
I prayed for support. I prayed for comfort. The Spirit was there with me but, at that time it wasn’t enough to sustain me. I was resigning myself to be depressed and medicated for the rest of my life. It felt like an eternity. In actuality it was only a few days.
On my first Sunday in the hospital, I was sitting in the common room watching others gather with their loved ones and thought that no one cared. I was truly all alone. Then, I heard a familiar voice and my name. It was the sweetest sound I had heard in my life. I followed the sound.
Standing at the nurse’s station was my bishop* and his wife. I ran to them and was immediately embraced. The tears flowed almost uncontrollably because the deepest desire of my heart was granted. Peace entered my heart, and I knew that I mattered.
After that visit, I had hope. I eventually improved enough to be released. Life was still hard and I still struggled. But, nothing was insurmountable anymore because I knew someone cared. The memory of that visit is one that I recall whenever I feel abandoned.
Even though life was still hard, I was able to find lasting peace. We eventually moved to a new neighborhood and ward where we have built our family and made lifelong friends. If the bishop and his wife hadn’t shown up, I don’t know or think about where my life would have led.
Update: Several years later I found my kickboxing fit family. My ILKB family has opened my world up and introduced me to CycleBar where I found the one place outside of the temple* where I glimpse what will be and the rest of my chosen family. They showed up when no one else did. They continue to show up for me in ways I never expected. I am truly blessed and extremely grateful.
*ward — local congregation of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
*bishop — local congregation’s head clergy. He leads the ward’s other leadership.
*temple — place of worship separate from meetinghouses where Sunday services are held.
Indomitable Bellatrix 
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