Last week I wrote about having to be “stronger than everyone else.” Shortly after the post went live, the athletic trainer messaged me and shared her experience. It led to an ongoing discussion, and I hope a new lasting friendship, beyond the cycle theater.
This week I have worked my ass off. Each ride led to new small victories:
- More miles on average per class.
- Sweat dripping so much it stings my eyes.
- Being vulnerable with others and taking the mask down.
- Heavier gear than I’ve logged in a long while.
- More time out of the saddle… and with more confidence.
- Leading with my left is becoming more natural.
- Wearing my AFO, which has more benefits on the bike than I thought possible.
- Not running away from the hard thing.
Am I stronger than everyone else? No, but I am determined to get to where I want to be and, I’m willing to put in the work to get there.
Shortly after this post (April 16), this cycle instructor/athletic trainer and I bonded in ways that I was seriously not expecting. When simple text messages start the tears and you realize people see you for the whole person you are… it is a beautiful thing. When my insomnia got bad and my physical mess carried over to an emotional/mental one; she was the one to check on me, to answer the late night texts, to speak calm and reason to my very confused and weary thinking processes. She is the one that I turn to now when I need the reminder of important truths. (Like, it’s okay to take a break) As I have told her, this is the first time in over 20 years that I have felt this level of support from anyone beside my husband. Her actions, her influence, her advice and comments are mentioned or thought about almost daily in my house. She is mentioned by name in gratitude prayers and I will be eternally grateful that the universe saw fit to allow us both to let each other in at this point in our lives. I am not the same person I was when I asked for her help just weeks ago. And, as the sign on my wall reminds me of constantly, I’m not going back.
Indomitable Bellatrix 