Archive: Stronger Than Everyone Else

Background: I have been writing a blog in one form or another for more than 20 years now. My last blog: “Journey of Eternity” began as a way to cope and process the significant events of the last several years. This entry is from April 2021 (yes, just weeks ago). If I was to pinpoint the shift in my world… this is the one that led to this site and made it possible for me to navigate the last several weeks and lean on others that I wouldn’t have before. I would have suffered in silence and just gone into hermit mode and not continued the process of self growth I am on.

“Because you are who you are… you have to be stronger than everyone else.” Or something very close to this was said to me last night. I am tired and quite frankly, I don’t wanna be stronger than anyone else. I want my body to do what I want it to… when I want it to. And let’s be real… none of that is going to happen in this lifetime. So, how am I going to get ready for this new battle that I’ve asked for? 

I guess I should start at the beginning: 

I’m 23 rides away (now just 2 rides away) from my 200 ride milestone at Cyclebar. I’ve been pushing my limits and getting out of the saddle and doing things I haven’t done before. To do so, I’ve elicited advice from some cycle instructors that are an athletic trainer and a physical therapist. Yesterday… I set up a little earlier as the AT watched and gave tips, advice and instructions. I then proceeded to follow everything… and had the hardest ride of my life. Muscles I don’t normally use were worked. During the ride the motivation pep talk by the instructor had a direct line to my spirit. Sweat pouring and tears flowing, At the end of the ride as I’m hydrating and experiencing a new level of soreness and assessing… the AT, the PT and I were talking and that’s when the opening sentence was uttered. 

Here’s the thing: when someone calls me strong or amazing or awesome or an inspiration… I always feel like I’m not and I don’t deserve the compliment. I just live my life the way I have to. My life that others describe as those things is just my normal. 

So, I’m tired and yet I want more from my life, my body, and even my relationships… so how am I going to proceed? By doing it anyway, as I’ve always done. But, as I move forward I will do things differently because as quoted in NCIS a few seasons ago: “If you do what you’ve always done, then you’ll get what you always got.” I’ve pushed myself before… to the point of burnout and burnup. I want to avoid that because I’m not the same person I was. I have too much to lose. And these days, I complete the things I start and I keep my promises. To do those two things I will need to do things differently. That’s the reason I asked for advice and help. It’s also the reason I will listen to the cues of my body and take things as slow as I need to so I can keep doing the things I love. 

Thriving is taking it to the next level the smart way. 

I did burnout and I did burnup. But, I’m not giving up. My “Journey of Eternity” is far from over. I am doing things differently by continuing to show up for those that showed up for me when I least expected it. I don’t know what I did to get the blessings of these people that are holding on to me so tightly that it is impossible to let go, but I am so so grateful.