The world of parenting is hard. The world of parenting through trauma is harder. The world of parenting through trauma while I’m swimming/drowning through my own trauma is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life.
It was a hard day. Kids were being kids and it escalated to hitting. Which led to consequences… which led to a much larger discussion. The caseworker came back to work to a slew of calls and requests from birth mom. This led to a discussion with foster daughter (12) and revelations from the department that don’t surprise me but are disappointing. Essentially, what was looking to be a quick reunification may just take time… and family placements are just not appropriate at this point.
I am figuring things out but… I am so glad these kids are here with us. I can understand this mess that they are living through way more than I care to.
In other news, it has been a minute since I visited with my sister. Tonight we sat down and talked for a bit about why it’s been a minute. Being as we’re both sleeping really well (NOT)! Nothing was figured out, but at least we’re talking.
Lastly, I will be forever grateful to my cyclebar family and all of them circling the wagons around me and my family. I was talking to one of them this morning and was able to find some peace in this adventure of self growth. (more on that another day). This afternoon as I was internally processing the events of the day, I was able to connect with another and that was a big sigh of relief that someone else in this world gets it (at least some of it) and will hold me up when I feel like crumbling.
Indomitable Bellatrix 